Paul Sassone: I need a Get Out of Jail Free card

I know it’s way too early. But I already know what present I’d like for Christmas.

It came to me the instant I dropped and shattered a glass orange juice pitcher. I said to myself: You are in trouble.

And sure enough, I was.

But just before punishment followed crime, I said to myself, again:

Wouldn’t it be nice if I had something like a Get Out of Jail Free card, usable in real life? Like in the game Monopoly.

A Get Out of Jail Free card. No matter what I had done, no matter how broke, just show the card and I’d be free (for free).

I have a hunch other men might be able to use such a card. More specifically, a Get Out of the Doghouse Free card.

I know I could use a whole bunch of them.

So, let’s say — purely hypothetically, mind you — I forget to fill the ice trays, as I was requested to do. I cannot be scolded when I whip out my Get Out of the Doghouse Free card.

Or, again hypothetically, I try to wear the same comfy shirt two days in a row. Out comes the card and I am spared a critique of my sartorial habits. No muss. No fuss.

Leave the lid loose on the mayo? Card.

Kick over the cat’s water dish? Card.

Forget to turn off the fire under the frying pan? Card.

Fill in your own sins of commission and omission. You can see how handy these Get Out of the Doghouse Free cards could be.

All that’s needed is for some enterprising company to make the cards.

I’ll even provide a slogan:

“The Get Out of the Doghouse Free card. Don’t go home without it.’’

And, to be fair, women could have a card of their own — the Why Don’t You Act Your Age card.

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