Suburboddity: Friar Tuck would be an improvement
Illustration by Eric Allie
Updated: June 28, 2012 4:19PM
Free of charge, we offer tales of stupid criminals, strange crimes, odd news and otherwise silly stories from around the area.
You can park, but you can’t hide
PARK RIDGE, APRIL 2 —Third Ward Alderman Jim Smith, explaining his minority vote against a car-mounted license-plate-recognition camera that easily identifies residents’ cars for booting, said “The Sheriff of Nottingham is not a good model of good government.”
Cheese it — the cops!
BUFFALO GROVE, MARCH 1 — A pizza delivery driver, back from his last run and helping close up the Papa John’s at 383 Half Day Road, was annoyed to be told by the manager to get in there and wash the dishes. He told the manager, an 18-year-old from Wheeling, that dishwashing wasn’t his job. She told him fine, then he didn’t have the job anymore. A roaring, profane argument ensued, ending with the young lady hurling a tub of cheese at the driver’s face, leaving a welt under his left eye. She was arrested for battery. He’s still fired.
Taking the edge off ‘The Hunger Games’
NORTHBROOK, MARCH 23 — A supermarket celebrates the opening of the movie about starving children with a nice cookie.
As long as we’re here, let’s arrest everybody
HINSDALE, MARCH 30 — Police converged on a house in the 600 block of South Bodin Street, having been told by a neighbor it was being burglarized. It wasn’t. But they busted everyone in sight anyway — a teenage resident and his guests, six Loyola University students, all for underage drinking.
Graffiti of the geek uprising
WILMETTE, MARCH 4 — An employee of Treasure Island, 911 Ridge Road, told police someone sneaked behind the store and painted a Rubik’s cube on a fence.
He died for our Sunday school
DEERFIELD, APRIL 1 — At a Palm Sunday event for children at St. Gregory’s Episcopal Church, young Joe was quoted as asking what was so good about Good Friday, considering Jesus’ crucifixion and all.
Michael Jordan: The Anatoly Karpov of hoops
OAK BROOK, APRIL 2 — The appearance of 12-time world champion Anatoly Karpov at the Intercontinental Scholastic Team Championship inspired the event organizer to call Karpov “The Michael Jordan of chess.”
Welcome to Evanston:
150 Years of Saying No
EVANSTON, APRIL 2 — Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl suggested that the City Council consider signs at the entries to the city marking next year’s 150th anniversary. Right now, “we have ‘Welcome to Evanston, don’t use cell phones, no truck routes allowed’ — all the things you can’t do.”
Why cab companies don’t shop at the dealer
PARK RIDGE, MARCH 18 — At 3:20 a.m., a sleeping driver with no insurance and no driver’s license plowed her car into a taxicab at a stoplight at Dempster Street and Luther Lane.
Smile, you’re on commode camera
NILES, MARCH 22 — Police officers headed over to the home of a Keeney Street man, 21, to arrest him for scrawling gang graffiti in the men’s room of the lobby of the Niles Police Department.
Fido may be a little clumsy
HINSDALE, APRIL 1 — A barking dog awakened a Bonnie Brae Road homeowner at 2:30 a.m. The resident reported that a lamp and a picture frame had been knocked over, but there were no signs of forced entry.
April Fool — this is not a reality show
NORTHBROOK, APRIL 1 — An Evanston women, 28, allegedy topped off an evening of marijuana and booze with a sojourn to the Landmark Inn, 1352 Shermer Road. There, she took her pal’s insulin pump and house keys and refused to give them back. When officers arrived she told them they were “fake cops” and nothing else was real, either. She then kicked one officer and shoved another, they maintained in a report of her arrest. They put her in a real lockup.
The return of Dale Carnegie
NORTHBROOK, MARCH 17 — A Brindle Court resident, reportedly peeved at his homeowner’s association, scattered papers over the front lawn of a house, dumped dog feces on the driveway and poured chemicals on the lawn. He was charged by police with two counts of disorderly conduct and one of criminal damage to property.
We don’t need no stinkin’ liability coverage
MORTON GROVE, MARCH 25 — When police curbed an alleged drunk driver on Dempster Street, the Evanston man, 32, was fully equipped for a nice ride in the country, with two switchblades, a stun gun, a collapsible billy club and a throwing knife. The only thing he didn’t have was car insurance.
The things we lose for love
DEERFIELD, MARCH 24 — A Highland Park woman, 29, returned to her car after shopping at Deerbrook Mall, but her little girl didn’t want to go. So she took her for a calming walk around the parking lot, without first going back around to close her car door again. When she got back to the car, she had no purse, no iPhone, BlackBerry, credit cards and gift cards. But the kid felt better.